Okay, well...today wasn't a very good day.  I got this expensive and sucky computer rhat keeps d/c the internet.  I have attempted to write this entry 5 times.  I don't think god wants me to because twice when I tried the power in the house went off...no lie.

Anyway, 6th attempt...

Today sucked.  I had 2 anxiety attacks (post traumatic stress disorder).  I was at the store and I was afraid of who I was going to run into.  My palms were clammy and I felt like time was moving too fast for me.  It felt like people were talking gibberish and I couldn't understand anything anyone said.  Quote:  The person with PTSD avoids situations or activities that are reminders of the original traumatic event because such exposure may cause symptoms to worsen--- http://www.psych.org/public_info/ptsd.cfm    I guess that has something to do with it.  I might certain people bring back everything and...I dunno....I hate this subject.  I don't understand how this could of happened.  I was doing fine again...I don't know anyone else who goes throuigh that so I can home really sad and I tried to talk to Carlos, but he doesn't like to know those kinds of things...not about me anyway.  It's like he'd rather pretend I was all cool and not an ounce of "psycho" is in my blood.  This entrie sounds dumb...anyway he lives with me and that's cool because I'm never lonely

Well, guess I gotta go do psycho things with this psycho mind I have.  That is what you think anyway, right?  so, might as well just leave it as that....

Umm....I've been getting sick alot, but perhaps that's just nerves.....sweating and feeling of heat, pressure on my chest, nausea, weakness, maybe lightheadedness, and umm..i guess that's it.  But it all hits me at once. 

Okay well imagine that you are bulimic (you feel weak, lightheaded, and ill) and you are underweight right?  You excercise though to lose weight and you overdo yourself.  You feel really sick now...that's the sick that I feel.  I'm not bulimic though and it doesn't hit me whenever I'm done excercising.  It just seems to come out of nowhere.  anyway, my doctor said it was probably just nerves.  I think that's just what he expects from me.  He just drew some blood, I think to check up on my liver enyzmes again cuz last time he checked they were abnormal.  He didn't know that back then I was bulimic which causes abnormal enyzmes and he wasn't concerned about the 32 pounds I lost in 3 months either, I guess he couldn't put two together but anyway....that's why I can't trust him. 

A perfect circle---people are people

We're different colors
And different creeds
And different people
Have different needs
It's obvious you hate me
Though I've done nothing wrong
I've never even met you
So what could I have done

People are people
So why should it be
You and I shouldn't get along
People are people
So why should it be
You should hate me
People are people
So why should it be
You and I shouldn't get along
People are people
So why should it be
You should hate me

Punching and kicking
And you're shouting at me
I'm relying on your common decency
So far it hasn't surfaced
But I'm sure it exists
It just takes a while
To travel from your head to your fist

I can't understand what makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand

People are people
So why should it be
You and I shouldn't get along
People are people
So why should it be
You should hate me
People are people
So why should it be
You and I shouldn't get along
People are people
So why should it be
You should hate me

I can't understand what makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand
I can't understand what makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand
I can't understand what makes a man
Hate another man
Help me understand